Monday, October 10, 2011

Whatever I Please


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I am struggling with discontentment.

Not that I'm unhappy with my life. I have a wonderful wife, some fantastic friends, a lovely home, a job that provides much more than I need and a cute fat cat, to boot.  I am very happy.

But I'm struggling all the same.

You see, I want to be in ministry. Vocationally, full-time. Being paid, if possible. I believe this is what I've been called to do.

Yet, for some reason, God has brought me into a season of - waiting, frustration, busyness...I'm not even quite sure how to put a name to it.

What I do know is that on the mornings that I'm disciplined enough to drag myself out of bed and study my Bible, read the writings of spiritual men like Spurgeon and Packer, pray and think on the things of God, I'm always frustrated that the time must come to an end. I wish that I could go on reading and studying. I wish that I had a schedule that allowed me more time for meetings, counseling, serving, fellowship, mentoring, writing and discipleship.

I'm very thankful for my job, but I wish I had a different one. I found myself getting irritated this morning that I had to put down my Bible, make my lunch and leave for work. I'm confident that this is where the Lord has me in this time. I believe that we were told plainly that we were supposed to re-sign with our employers, even though the year was going to be difficult...and quite possibly because the year was going to be difficult. God has lessons he wants us to learn in this time.

Perhaps one of those lessons is contentment...

Or maybe I just need to learn to get up earlier.

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