Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Shredder

I went to the gym in college only one time for the purpose of working out. 

My friend, Jay, and I decided one year that we were too scrawny and we needed to beef up if we were ever gonna get chicks to dig least, that was my motivation. To be fair, Jay was in great shape. A soccer and hockey player, with a great personality, he didn't need much help getting attention from girls. Perhaps he was just doing it for me, for moral support. 

Anyway, we made plans and one winter morning, we woke up early, threw on sweat pants and jogged to the gym. Once we got there, we did a couple of laps around the basketball court and rode the stationary bikes while we waited for the muscly hockey players to finish with the weights as a warm-up. After about 20 minutes on the bikes, we moved into the weight room, and for another 20 minutes we slung some barbells around like it was our job. Then we jogged back to the dorm to get ready for our day. 

It felt first. 

Until I threw up in the shower.

I must have overdone it. 

I wasn't used to exercising like that. It was tough. I wasn't in bad shape, but I certainly wasn't in good shape, and my body just wasn't ready for that intense of a workout straight out of the gates. 

I didn't step foot into a gym again for years. 

Fast forward about 8 years, to today. I've written before about my wife's forays into the world of fitness, but over the years, for me, it's been more of a flirtation with fitness. I talk a lot, and even had a gym membership for about 3 months in 2008, but I've not really committed to getting in shape or losing weight (which is needed now. In college, I was scrawny...these days, a decade later, I'm flabby.). 

Well, today, Ferial introduced me to The Shredder. You may know her as her celebrity alter-ego, Jillian Michaels...but I know the truth. She says things like "feel that pain in your stomach. That's fear leaving the body." But in reality what she means is "feel that pain in your stomach...those are my razor claws digging into your gut." 

I know who you really are, Jillian Michaels...
and I've got Leonardo on speed dial. 


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