Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Pet Peeves


This stuff really ruffles your feathers.
It totally troubles you.
It positively pisses you off.
It absolutely aggravates you.

You get the idea.

Here's a list of my top bottom ten pet peeves.

1) Wet Socks - Not sopping wet socks. Not like you jumped into a puddle with your shoes on. That I can handle. Like when you're walking through the kitchen in your socks, and some uncaring person dropped a tiny chunk of ice, which subsequently melted, leaving a tiny frigid droplet for you to step in, and get your sock .27% wet.

2) Toilet Paper Striplets - This is when you go to tear your toilet paper away from the roll, and the perforations work exactly how they're supposed to, leaving you with a clean rip - 94% of the way across the sheet. Then that last 6% hangs on so tenaciously that it causes the paper to start to tear vertically down the length of the toilet paper that you've just prepared for your nether regions. Yeah. That frustrates the heck out of me.

3) Out-of-reach Objects - That thing you need is just barely out of reach. You can't quite reach it without getting up (the horror) or at least leaning as far as you comfortably can. You've almost got it! Your finger-tips approach the structural surface of the object... just. a. little. more! -- nope. You've pushed it four more inches away with the tips of your fingers. Get up you lazy bum.

4) Mis-spelled Tweets - Not major mis-spellings. Not like mis-spelling the word liscensce. No one expects you to get that one right on the first try. However, when you've just slightly mis-spelled something, or auto-correct guesses the wrong word, leaving you with who instead of when, that's just unnerving. "#thatawkwardmoment who you step on a tiny piece of ice, and start dancing like you're trying to bring the rain."

5) Run-Away Droplets - When you're washing your face, and a drop of water runs off your cheek, over your chin, down your neck and onto your chest; or runs from your hand down your fore-arm. This phenomenon is worse when you're wearing a shirt...especially long sleeves.

6) Rodeo Change - Sometimes, it's still convenient to pay for things with cash. I don't know why, but when I'm making a purchase of $5 or less, I just seems wrong to use my debit card. So, I occasionally carry around cash (invitation to mug me). I hate that when making a purchase, the cashier has a certain order in which they hand things to you. This is an almost across the board conspiracy. They all do it. They count out the bills, place the receipt on top of the bills, and then place the coinage on top of the receipt. Now you tell me, what the heck am I supposed to do with this pile of chaos that you've just placed in my hand? Should I just shove the whole wad into my pocket and deal with it later? Usually, when this happens to me, I've already got my wallet out, in one hand, prepared to place my change inside. However, I neither put receipts or coins into my wallet! So, I've got my opened wallet in one hand, and your champion bill-rider coins in the other, and if we're all lucky, they'll stay there for 8 seconds while I contort my wallet-hand and place the billfold back into my pocket, so that I'll have free fingers with which to deal with those cowboy coins. Sometimes, they're just not very good riders, though, and they end up falling off the stack. Why do you do this to me? Why? I've still got a whole line of people behind me, waiting for me to get out of the way, and laughing to themselves as I collect my change from the floor!

7) The Crosswalk Standoff - If you're in a car, and I'm on foot, chances are you can move much faster than me. Unless of course, you're driving a Ugo and I'm late for dinner. In that case, I've got you off the line. However, when I come to a cross walk and you're speeding down the street at 45mph, please just continue on your way. I hate it when drivers stop suddenly, and wait for me to cross the intersection. It's going to take me around 15 seconds to get across the street, while you sit there and stare at me and my worn-out footwear, glancing at your watch every couple of seconds, impatient look on your face. I tried to wave you on, to give you the courtesy of not waiting on me, but you insisted...and now you're going to try and act like you're in a hurry. Sorry, is my form of auto-locomotion inconveniencing you? Hey! Wait! Is my shoe-lace untied? I should definitely stop right here in front of your car and tie it. It could be dangerous to cross a street with a loose shoelace, and since you know I'm here, I know I'll be safe. Thanks, pal.

8) 

9) Hi. Where's your bathroom? - I hate arriving at someone else's house, and needing to immediately use their bathroom. It's even worse when you're visiting for the first time, or meeting for the first time. "Yeah. Sorry. Can I see your collection of decorative owls later? I need to blow up your bathroom... oh, great. The guest bathroom is right off the living room." Don't expect many people to chat you up at that party...

10) Unfinished blog po

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